"What would the world be like of mom had aborted me?"
Mom got pregnant with me from a guy she was dating/hooked up with. My siblings told me she asked them if they thought she should have an abortion, apparently they told her not to. Hence I exist. I wonder what consciousness is without life? Would I have gone to heaven? To nothingness? To rebirth? Or just to something else. I suppose I will never know. Makes me think if I've ever gotten a sex partner pregnant and she aborted it, what would my half creation be? What would become of little Chi or Chis-Bella?
It's a hard thing to think about and a real reality- would I desire a random partner to get an abortion? Now the answer in my mind is yes, for I am too unstable and immature. I know I will be a great father God willing, though I do not want that now, no, not now- am I wrong? Perhaps- I'm a very selfish person and partially sociopathic ~ so say online tests.
God forgive me, and rectify my iniquities, heal me from my sin...
That is my thought
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