One

One day I'm gonna die, and I question if I achieved what my dreams lead me to desire 

Abortion

I just had a thought-

"What would the world be like of mom had aborted me?"

Mom got pregnant with me from a guy she was dating/hooked up with. My siblings told me she asked them if they thought she should have an abortion, apparently they told her not to. Hence I exist. I wonder what consciousness is without life? Would I have gone to heaven? To nothingness? To rebirth? Or just to something else.  I suppose I will never know. Makes me think if I've ever gotten a sex partner pregnant and she aborted it, what would my half creation be? What would become of little Chi or Chis-Bella? 

 It's a hard thing to think about and a real reality- would I desire a random partner to get an abortion? Now the answer in my mind is yes, for I am too unstable and immature. I know I will be a great father God willing, though I do not want that now, no, not now-  am I wrong? Perhaps- I'm a very selfish person and partially sociopathic ~  so say online tests. 

God forgive me, and rectify my iniquities, heal me from my sin...  

That is my thought 

Dead bulbs and dead kids

I'm in the cloisters in upper manhattan with Terese my current GF. She's a park manager, she's going through the parks tonight mapping dead lights that have burnt out or people have broken- to do illegal acts of drug dealing or blow jobin' ;) 

 We're walking along I'm learning what poison ivy looks like- 3 leaves - 

I'm burping quite a bit too